is the Fourth of July, I am almost certain that the question on everybody's
mind is: "What socks should I wear with tomorrow's outfit?"
Matching the proper
socks to your daily outfit is a pretty basic step in becoming a fashionable
guy. Some of the 'rules' I am going to cover will seem very simple,
but I assure you, people screw it up everyday. I see these people. I
write their names down. Gianni Versace turns them down at the suede
gates of Fashion Heaven. They will be forced to live the unstylish afterlife.
So let's get into
There are two basic
schools of socks: matching to the pants, and matching to the shirt.
The matching to
the pant idea is simple. If you are wearing jeans, wear a nice set of
blue socks. Gap khakis - tan socks. Black dress slacks - black dress
socks. Scottish Tartan Kilt - those funny-ass Scottish bootie thingies
with the little tassels at the top. You get the idea. This technique
is probably best for more casual events.
One exception to
this rule: If you are wearing a white shirt with long pants, do not
wear white socks. Unless you are the understudy for Diesel at the local
community theatre's production of West Side Story, you shouldn't be
wearing white socks with long pants. "What about white socks with jeans"
you say? I say this: Are you still in high school? I'll let you decide.
White socks with shorts, no problem. Nothing is a better vehicle to
show off the Costco 18-pack of gray-toed white socks than a nice pair
This brings us
to the other cardinal sock rule, please repeat after me: UNDER NO CIRCUMSTANCES
WILL I EVER WEAR DARK SOCKS WITH SHORTS. I mean c'mon guys. You think
your legs are white now? Try wrapping the ends of them is some black
cotton. You'll look like a chocolate dipped macaroon. Really, the "dark
sock with shorts" thing is a big problem. It instantly makes you look
disheveled and downright lame. You owe it to yourself to not look like
a dumb-ass. Wear the white socks dude, please.
Ok, back to sock
Personally, I prefer
the matching to the shirt idea. I find this to be a little more adventurous,
more "Bling Bling-ey" if you will. When you pick out the shirt for the
day, whether it be the crazy purple pinstripe number that I often wear,
or the $4.99 colored tee, try to wear the socks that match the shirt.
If the match is perfect, when you cross your legs in that meeting, and
everyone sees your fancy socks matching your fancy shirt, the men will
instantly hate you, and the women will want to buy you lunch. (Or at
least start bringing you those crazy Asian iced teas with the big pearl
balls at the bottom.)
What's that? You
don't have blue socks? You don't have tan or black socks? If you lack
these basic colors of socks, either go buy them at your local Ross,
or just stop reading and come to grips with the fact that you are a
cretin. Seriously, black, blue, and tan are pretty basic, and should
be in every man's wardrobe. Obviously, the more sock options you get,
the more effective your fashion arsenal will be. Arm thyself cougar,
it's an ugly world out there. If you feel fancy, get some socks with
That is all. I
have to go sleep naked now.
this and more in the Fanboy forums.
a good place to start. Fingers and toes not required.