Let’s face it; no matter where you went to school, Junior High was a crappy time for everybody. Hormones flying, and you think you’re an adult long before anybody else does. (Guess what? You’re pretty much wrong, anyway.) And all your problems seem huge.
In most coming of age stories, the problems are actually as huge as they seem, but somehow, everybody seems much cooler. The Dangerous Lives of Altar Boys achieves that by using teen actors who are past their hormonal rush, and by bringing in Todd McFarlane (Spawn) to animate their imaginations. The combination results in a movie that appears far edgier than it actually is, with a rather sloppy sense of its time period.
As the title might suggest, the movie deals with a group of Catholic schoolboys trying to sort out who they are, while doing “battle” with their teacher, Sister Assumpta (Jodie Foster). Francis (Emile Hirsch) wants nothing more out of life than to write and draw comics, an admirable goal that understandably plays second fiddle to his adolescent desire for Margie Flynn (Jena Malone). Left to his own devices, Francis would simply worship from afar, or from just two rows over in Math class. Fortunately or not, his best friend Tim (Kieran Culkin) pushes things along by sending her poetry in his name.
It might all seem innocent enough, except Margie has already tried to commit suicide for reasons revealed surprisingly early. And Tim just might be sociopathic, with Francis being the only thing capable of tying him down to earth. Every now and then, Tim has to push things too far. At first, at least, Francis has too much fun with Tim’s plans to question them, even when they involve kidnapping a mountain lion from a local zoo.
British video director Peter Care makes his film debut with this adaptation of a cult novel by Chris Furman. (And by cult, we mean to say a novel that nobody’s heard of except for hip people, and by hip people, we mean to say the people involved in this film.) While the book may be clever and deep and worth the attention this movie will give it, it somehow loses its edge onscreen.
Obviously concentrating on telling a straightforward story, Care’s direction is competent enough, but plodding. This may be the only time I’ve ever sat through a movie wishing the director had brought more of his video sensibilities to bear. Every scene is clearly told, but visually unexciting. Actually, the movie does start with a bang, as the two boys perform a homework assignment obviously outside Assumpta’s intent. From that cheerfully dangerous opener, things shift over to McFarlane’s vision of the boys’ comic book, which carries most of the life in the rest of the movie.
Care offers a couple of twists with some quirky characterizations. Vincent D’onofrio plays Father Casey with bemusement that hints at far more depth, but as it’s not his story, Care ignores him. In the first trip to the zoo, too, there is a tour guide with a strong personality, but it’s the last time any actor verges into the outrageous.
Part of the problem lies in the script, which seems unwilling to explore any unreal element outside of the comic book, called The Atomic Trinity. Margie’s room hosts a ghost, which we do see, but it ends up being more a reflection of Francis’ disconnection than anything else.
All the adults are ciphers, replacing character with characteristics. Tim’s parents yell a lot (and we only see them in one scene), which is meant to explain his behavior. As Assumpta, Foster just doesn’t seem that villainous, or mean, or even slightly unreasonable. All she has is authority and a wooden leg. That may be enough from a kid’s point of view, but outside of the comic, we don’t really see that warped viewpoint. (Malcolm In The Middle does a much better job of this, though granted, the whole show is warped.)
The actors involved all do a great job with what they have. As the artist learning his temperament, Hirsch believably conveys all the confusion of a kid who wants to be good, but keeps having a good time instead. Malone has yet to give a bad performance, though she plays troubled teen so well that she may have a hard time transitioning to an adult career. (Okay, so Foster managed it…) Culkin is always a surprise, because I keep expecting him to suck. Luckily for him, he stayed in supporting roles as a child actor, allowing him to build his craft and not make the mistakes of his brother. When he plays mean, it seems natural, not a calculated career move.
Interpreting the boys’ dreams (and supposedly unsupervised), McFarlane seems an apt choice for adolescent fantasy. Though the film takes place in the late ‘seventies, the superhero identities the boys and their friends have adopted could easily fit in the early ‘nineties. (One is Captain Asskicker – didn’t Liefeld draw that?)
In a surprisingly subtle nod, Francis’ alter ego borrows heavily but not overtly from Swamp Thing, building off of a throwaway moment when he’s shown specifically choosing that comic at the newsstand. But for a movie that has comics at its core, the set designers really didn’t care to be too accurate. Yes, this is nitpicky, but I found it jarring to see comics published over a fifteen-year span to all be vying for space on the spinner rack, especially with ’80’s Marvels in the background while the seller slips Francis that “latest issue of Swamp Thing” priced at twenty cents.
Because of its cult novel origins, The Dangerous Lives Of Altar Boys is likely to play at your local art house, if at all. Not to worry if you don’t have one, because it will play just as well on video.
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