Star Wars Episode VII: Star Wars Spoilers (A Parody)

...because we know that today of all days, we have to explain that this is a joke.

(originally posted 05/06/14)

If you heard our podcast episode #350, you heard Jason Salazar and Drew Campbell discuss the loss of the Expanded Universe.

Definitely people to turn lemons into blue lemonade, Jason and Drew found that the loss of a universe merely left them more room to add to the void left behind, and the two created the often hilarious (and possibly frighteningly accurate) Star Wars Spoilers on Twitter.

With their kind permission, Fanboy Planet pretends to take credit for them here, but you can certainly follow them on Twitter @SW7Spoilers.

For those who do not have Twitter, here you go — a selection of some of the best and weirdest spoilers for Star Wars Episode VII as of May 6, 2014. Anything after that? You should follow them.

#StarWarsVII to be “found footage”. #SpoilerAlert

— Star Wars Spoilers (@SW7Spoilers) May 1, 2014

#StarWarsVII to be filmed entirely in IMAX 3D, except for Harrison Ford.

— Star Wars Spoilers (@SW7Spoilers) May 1, 2014

#StarWarsVII to feature anthropomorphic landspeeder, LT-MQ, in Pixar crossover. #SpoilerAlert

— Star Wars Spoilers (@SW7Spoilers) May 1, 2014

Only Sith deal in absolutes, but when Luke comes out of the closet it’s absolutely FABULOUS! #StarWarsVII #SpoilerAlert

— Star Wars Spoilers (@SW7Spoilers) May 1, 2014

#StarWarsVII features New Republic Senate debating over why OrganaCare doesn’t cover contraception for Sandra Fluke Skywalker. #Spoiler

— Star Wars Spoilers (@SW7Spoilers) May 1, 2014

Expanded Universe was removed so the term would not be used to describe the Original Cast’s waistlines. #StarWarsVII #Spoiler

— Star Wars Spoilers (@SW7Spoilers) May 2, 2014

Yoda is alive and well and will be played by Bob Newhart. #StarWarsVII #spoilers

— Star Wars Spoilers (@SW7Spoilers) May 2, 2014

Chewbacca FINALLY says his first word and it’s “Daddy.” #StarWarsVII #spoilers

— Star Wars Spoilers (@SW7Spoilers) May 2, 2014

Jar Jar Binks will be getting his own web series. “One Million Ways to Kill a Gungan” will be hosted by Ray Park. #StarWarsVII #spoilers

— Star Wars Spoilers (@SW7Spoilers) May 2, 2014

#StarWarsVII to be subtitled “Malakili’s Revenge”. #SpoilerAlert #IfYouDontHaveToLookThatUpYouAreARealNerd

— Star Wars Spoilers (@SW7Spoilers) May 5, 2014

#StarWarsVII title officially “Jedi Descendant Heir to the Force Successor Imperial Inheritor” #SpoilerAlert

— Star Wars Spoilers (@SW7Spoilers) May 6, 2014

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About Drew Campbell
Drew has been acting for over 30 years, cutting his performance teeth as a "Siamese Child" in a local high school production of The King & I in his hometown of Mequon, Wisconsin. After performing steadily in Wisconsin, Drew moved to San Jose, California in the mid-90's and has enjoyed roles both on and off stage with several theatre companies including Shady Shakespeare (now Silicon Valley Shakespeare), Northside Theatre Company, City Lights Theatre Company, and others. In 1997, Drew's first written work, Star Wars - Cynabar's Fantastic Technology: Droids (co-written by Eric Trautmann), was published by West End Games. Drew went on to contribute to multiple products in the line. Drew has appeared in several web series (The Uploaders, Donovan & Simms, Crackpot Comics) and short films (The Evolution of a Gamer, The Zach who Saved Christmas).